Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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