So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
