Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
