you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
