Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
