i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
