do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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