Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
