I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
