They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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