We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
