At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
