He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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