My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
