my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
