So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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