sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
be right there i have to get my cape
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
