And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
