So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose