Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister