covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.