please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
