Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.