i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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