my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
