weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
