His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
