Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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