you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
