apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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