Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
