google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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