their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
