Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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