my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
