get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
