Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
