I got chris browned last night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
