I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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