Your face is a jimmy john
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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