I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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