I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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