dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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