thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
