At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did i walk over a car last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
