i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I want is dick and wine.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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