took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do vagina's smell?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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