so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
