y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
