forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
