he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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