You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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