Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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