guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
