Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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