I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
