i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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