Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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