Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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