it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
