And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize