did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
