If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
