Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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