someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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