So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't deserve a penis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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