I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
