But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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