I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
