Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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