A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
